Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Joy Comes In The Morning! Amen!

Good morning my beautiful sisters!~

It has been a couple of weeks since I have written--so much has been going on!

The Lord has guided me through the month of September and the early part of October. It has been a very hard few weeks. BUT He is incredibly good and kind and has taught me so much!

One evening, after having an argument with my husband, plus the stacks upon stacks of stresses and woes, I was at the end of my rope. I thought things would NEVER get better, would NEVER be better. I had no idea how I was going to live the rest of my life without joy, without hope, with just fear and dread for tomorrow.

I was mired in a depression of the SOUL. Now, let me say that I am pretty much NEVER depressed. I get down, I get pouty, I get irritable. I get listless or restless, but USUALLY a night of sleep is all I need because my mind or my emotions might be depressed, but my spirit is still bright. That evening, I had no hope at all. This sum of my recent days had left my spirit wounded. I do not think I had ever felt that before--seriously wounded in my spirit.

I got my Bible and went to the living room. I was overcome with shame, anger, loss, fear, indignation, and sorrow. I knew this to be a crisis point--a point where my choice in that moment would be an important, life changing one. My choice was this: trust the Lord and REALLY SERIOUSLY give everything to Him OR choose to lick my wounds, feel the shame, stay angry, nurse the fear, refuse to forgive and be forgiven.

It seems on paper a really easy choice. It is not that easy in the middle of the night, cold and tear stained, with your tummy hurting from crying and after fighting with your husband and having pain upon fear levied on you nearly every day.

Ladies, it was a miracle of the Lord. I just, by His Grace, made the right decision. I do not know how, because I did not FEEL any hope at all. But my father told me once: faith in good times is not faith. I do not remember if I thought of that that night, but it really fits.

I praised the Lord. I read Psalm 117 which the Lord had shown me a few evenings back when my friend K was im'ing with me and I was down. (He knew what was coming!)

1 Praise the LORD, all nations; Laud Him, all peoples! 2 For His lovingkindness is great toward us, And the truth of the LORD is everlasting. Praise the LORD!

The Lord showed me that I had to give up my past to Him, that I needed to let go. He showed me that I have to have faith in Him, to trust that He WILL bless me. See, I KNEW the Lord's will would be done. I was just afraid that His will was for me to suffer horribly. But that is not the Lord. He is not wanton. We will suffer, yes. We will have pain, yes. But we are not abandoned nor destroyed. He IS FAITHFUL AND MERCIFUL. He has LOVINGKINDNESS for us.

There is a purpose to every pain. It is like childbirth: there is pain so profound sometimes that you have no idea if it will ever end, but then there is the child, the blessing from that pain. When you are in the pain, it seems like there is no blessing that can overcome it, nothing worth the pain you are feeling right now. But there is. He will provide it.

It has been a many days since that happened, and the change has been amazing. That morning I woke up and really apologised to my husband. I had apologised the night before, but I really did not mean it. I said it because I was supposed to say it and then thought "HEY! Wait a minute! *I* am not the one who did wrong here!" (really I was the one who did wrong, but I did not feel it at the time). But the next morning, I had that sweet type of remorse where you know that you are really sorry, but that you will apologise from your heart and earnestly do better.

Two days later felt like Christmas! I just woke up one morning and felt that wonderful excitement for the day, just like Christmas. It was a morning full of joy. What is even odder is that my daughter (who had no idea all this was going on) said "You know what? For some reason it feels like Christmas.". I love getting confirmation like that!

Ps 30:5 For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for a lifetime; Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning.

In the days that have followed, there have been trials, things that would normally be very wearying, but they are momentary and light, and the blessings have abounded. BUT nothing has changed in our circumstances. There has been no great news, nothing changing in the things that had made me so despondent and fearful. But there has been an INWARD change. There is peace in the storm, not a cessation of the storm. I know the storm will end. I know the Lord has a plan and I know it will be wonderful. I had never known TRUE hope until this month. Faith, yes; obedience, occasionally {smile}; but not true hope until now.

Romans 5
1 Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. 3 And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; 4 and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; 5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

And also about hope and the love of God, even when things try to overcome us

Romans 8:18-39
18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19 For the anxious longing of the creation waits eagerly for the revealing of the sons of God. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God.

22 For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. 23 And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. 24 For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.
26 In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; 27 and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
29 For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; 30 and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified.

31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? 32 He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things? 33 Who will bring a charge against God's elect? God is the one who justifies; 34 who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us. 35 Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? 36 Just as it is written,

37 But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.


Ace said...

Great post, thank you for sharing all of this with us. I have been going through something similar. When you talked about how it is hard to trust the Lord because you don't know what he will do to you that is EXACTLY what I have been going through. I am so glad he is working in you, it give me hope.

Many Blessings Sister!

arrowsparrow said...

Thank you Ace!

He is working in all of us every second. I have realized that the times where I did not think He was working in my life are the times that I just could not see the results or change OR I was ignoring what He was trying to tell me. I told Precious yesterday that He was working on me, but it is like a planted seed. For weeks you might not see anything, because all the growth is taking place in the seed itself and under the ground. The dirt still looks barren and empty on top. Then eventually a tiny shoot pokes through, then the growth seems expontential and soon you have lush leaves and good fruit.

That is why I ask people what the Lord is doing in their lives because He is working in our lives every second! I did not realize that until just recently. I thought growth was more like seasons, where sometimes there is no growth, He is not working on us, we are just idling. But I was in error on that one. :-) He never slumbers nor sleeps.

For me, I find that growth is more obvious and productive when i am open to it. When I look, when I actively seek, the growth is easy to see. When I decide not to water the seed of faith, or decide that I do not want to pull weeds that I know are there in my life, the growth is there, but I cannot see it and I despair. He then has to pull weeds as well as grow faith because I am not doing my part to control my flesh.

That is just my experience. Others are probably not nearly as hard headed as I am! lol