Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Being available to your husband

My beautiful sisters in the Lord!

This is going to be about a very delicate subject. I do not want to be racy, but I think we need to be honest, since we are on the topic of beauty.

Do you make yourself always available to your husband? If not, why not?

Now, we know that there are Bible verses about how his body is ours and our body is his. I know that there are times where we are sick as dogs, tired as dogs...and then sometimes we feel like we LOOK like a dog!

That last one is the one I want to discuss, briefly and delicately as possible (xsighx...."briefly"might be wishful thinking, tbh). If we are preventing our husbands from delighting in us because we do not like how we look, we are being extremely self centered, which is sin.

Yeah, yeah, I know! We sometimes feel ugly, unloveable. We see those women in the magazines and have hope that we can look like that, and we do not want to share ourselves willingly with our husbands until we do.

How long are we going to keep our men without half of their "one flesh" because we are still struggling with portion control? How is it fair to them to keep them from us when THEY think we look fine, but we think we need work? That is not fair. Not fair at all.

They do not expect perfection. We are not going to have perfection. No, really, THINK about that. No matter if we are a size 0 or a size 30, if they want us, it is because they WANT us. They desire US. They desire communion with us. They want to delight in us.

Even if we were a size 2, we would still be insecure, because insecurity does not come built into certain dress sizes. Insecurity is in our heads, and if we arrived at the weight we like, we would find something else. TRUST me. Insecurity is from the mind, not the body.

Ladies, let me tell you...not one women you see in the magazines has not been touched up. Not one. Just recently there was a picture of a very beautiful famous woman who...amazingly enough...has cellulite. Yes. She has cellulite. And she was very right when she said that every woman with curves does. You cannot have curves without fat. You cannot have fat without cellulite (at least a little, though some of us have deeper fat).

Understand that, except in the RAREST of instances, husbands just want to delight in their wives. They just want to have fun with their wives, enjoy their wives.

Also, I want to emphasize this: They want their wives to want THEM too! When we reject our husbands because of insecurities, THEY, deep down, see that as a rejection of THEM! Yes! Men feel that we do not desire them, and that wounds them! Even if we reassure them that it is because we do not feel pretty, deep down men wonder if it is really that the woman does not want her husband. Women do NOT have the corner on insecurity.

Men are also not stupid. They know that airbrushing takes place. They DO understand that that same belly we try to hide is the one that grew their heirs, their blessings from the Lord. They know that our chest is the worst for wear because we nourished their babies. They understand that, even if we did not have babies, we DO have years. They know, and they do NOT care, just like how we do not care if our husbands are getting a little thin on top. They love us because we are loveable!!! They delight in our bodies because they are *OUR* bodies. They delight in their wives.

They come to us because they want *US*. Yes, seriously. If your husband approaches you, it is because he DESIRES you. He is NOT NOT NOT "stuck with you". He. Wants. You. He wants you! REVEL in that! Delight in that! It is GOOD for you to be tickled with that, to rest in that, to take confidence in that!

Do not deny him! Deny the enemy who is trying to steal your joy, your delight, your husband's joy, and your husband's delight. Deny the enemy who uses society to make us hate or reject the blessings the Lord has given us. Trust the Lord and your husband.....NOT your insecurities and society.

Let me say that again: Trust the Lord and your husband. DO NOT TRUST the devil who preys on your insecurities with lies that are airbrushed all over fashion magazines.

You will not drive your husband away by being eagerly receptive to him, by delighting in his delight of you. You CAN create great damage to your marriage, to yourself, and to your husband by putting your insecurities between you and your husband. We are Sarah's daughters if we do what is right and do not give way to fear (that is in the Word!). That means ANY fear--including fear of leaving the lights on or embracing your husband.

Be happy, not just dutiful. One of the most common things I have heard men say is that "confidence is sexy". The tiny girl who hides in the closet is not nearly as sexy as the ample-y built woman who is eager for her husband and her to delight in each other. No, really. That is the truth.

It is hard. We are taught, via society, that only pefect figures should enjoy marital bliss (which, in our fallen society, rarely takes place in marriage).

However, we are taught, via the Word, that He created marital bliss for one man and one woman, that it was good. He devoted quite a bit of Scripture to it, particularly Song of Solomon. He wanted ALL married people to delight in each other. He even admonished us to do so!

So, who are we going to listen to? The enemy who prowls society with lies and evil? Or the Creator of our bodies, our husband's bodies, the Word, and marital bliss?

Today. Make the change TODAY to listen to Him. Go give your husband a big smooch. Your heart might pound, you might hear a bunch of nonsense from your insecurities in your head. Dismiss them. The more you resist the enemy, the more he will flee from you.

Trust the Lord. Say a prayer, open your heart, be willing. You might have a few rough steps as you learn to obey the Lord, not society, but that is ok. Pretty soon you will feel ravishing, blessed, and say "WHY did I listen to society for so long?!". Not only CAN you do this, but you should--it is in the Bible. And when we obey the Lord, He blesses us.

Delighting in each other.

My blessed sisters in Christ!

(this started out being about one subject, and the more I wrote, the more blog posts came out. So expect another blog post! If you have any discussion or questions or comments, please feel free to post them!)

I have been thinking a lot about femininity, beauty, Godly beauty, etc for many years. I think we all do. We think about being a beautiful princess when we are babies. We think about making ourselves attractive to find a mate in our teens and 20's (though many, like myself, went the way of "worldly beauty" not "godly beauty". UGH! The trash I wore!!!!). Many of us struggle with our sense of physical beauty after a baby or three tends to realign our "girlish figures" into something a little less girlish :D.

But as I age (I'm 38! WOWOW--I feel like I just BARELY got my driver's license!), I am realizing that godly beauty really *IS* eternal and worldly beauty really is fleeting. Unless some serious medical intervention is arranged, I will never have the figure I did in my 20's. Is it necessary that I do? I need to be healthy, of course, and I need to have discipline in my eating habits, but I am realizing that I do NOT need to make sure I am "marketable" (which is what we see in those women in magazines--they ARE marketable! They are marketing products!). I just need to make sure that my husband is happy, and that I am delightful to him. If I am, then I am good.

I have been looking at my husband and myself. We are both older. We love each other very much. I will never look like a model, neither will he. But we both delight in each other physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.


And shouldn't that be enough? :)

Friday, July 10, 2009

My absence

Hello dear ones in Christ!

I have been off my blog for a while now. Some of it was because I was finishing up the pandemic flu booklet (available for free, of course, if you want it, just send your email addy. it requires adobe reader to view). I also had another project crop up.

However, my most recent absence was due to a VERY VERY VERY sudden med evac of my husband to Seattle for....a brain tumor. He was diagnosed with it the Monday before last after getting a cat scan for a sinus infection. He was med evac'd that day and underwent surgery on Wednesday. He is doing FINE now, thank the most blessed and wonderful Lord! He is right behind me packing up antique shop treasures we found here in Seattle after he was released from the hospital Monday. He looks fierce with a massive slice across his head, 43 staples and a black eye that looks like my slate counter top. The Lord was merciful above mercy, and my sweetie is intact and seems to be well on his way to a full recovery WITHOUT massive headaches.

I cannot tell you, dear ones, how much the Lord saw me through this. This story really is about Him, not about my husband. You never know how truly kind and wonderful and sustaining He is until you cannot depend on yourself anymore, until things are just so bad that you have no choice BUT to trust him.

I am trying to write down all of my thoughts and experiences...I already have about eight to ten pages and I am not even CLOSE to scratching the surface of all that happened. I am not sure if you are interested or not. I know that I deeply desire to remember everything and most importantly give glory to the Lord God Almighty, our most wonderful and merciful Father. He made me able to take more than I could take. He cleared every path. He turned the hearts of everyone towards me and our plight. It was amazing. Miraculous. Humbling. Heart wrenching.

Please offer your prayers, dear brothers and sisters in Christ. He still has a way to go in terms of the reduction of swelling in his brain (his left hemisphere of his brain was pushed into the right hemisphere by 1 cm). He is having trouble with high blood pressure. He is still recovering, though they released him from the hospital. He has to come back here in a month or so for another MRI, and we are still awaiting the pathology report to see if this was cancer or not. It PROBABLY is not, but we have to wait to be sure.

Thank you for your prayers. And if you have any questions at all, please feel free to write me. I know I would be eaten with curiosity (but i am kind of a medical nerd....a "hobbyist" as my wonderful sweetie told the PA lol).

Love, steph