Praise the Lord…my husband had a brain tumor.
That probably sounds awful. It seems bad to type it. But bear with me, this will make sense by the end of this and in the end, I know you will agree with me and praise the Lord with me for my husband’s brain tumor.
Where to begin….
The short story is “He had a sinus infection that was not a sinus infection.”. My husband had been having headaches and stuffiness in his head for over a year now. He is not prone to headaches, but you know how when you get allergies, sometimes the stuffiness can make your head hurt a little bit.
We live in Alaska. We moved there 10 years ago, and, though none of us had ever had seasonal allergies, we all seemed to get them occasionally in Alaska. I personally chalk it up to us being from the south and our bodies used to southern pollen, not the birches and spruce and various other allergens. I could be wrong and it is because we are getting older, but I like my explanation better.
Anyway, last year my husband went to the physician’s assistant that we had been assigned to in the military. He basically told TWS “You have allergies, there is nothing I can do for you.”. TWS was given some medication and sent home.
If you have read my blog, you know that this past year has been exceptionally stressful. We had a death in the family--my wonderful grandmother to whom I had promised that I would be moving from Alaska. I promised her for ten years, and had never made it home. Her death left me mournful and sorrowed. She was one person of very few people whom I truly believed loved me unconditionally.
Please allow me a moment to tell you about this wonderful, beautiful woman who has been gone a little over a year now.
She had been a beauty when she was young, and was still amazingly beautiful as she got old.
She was gentle and notional and would lean back and clap her hands together as she laughed.
Oh her poor hands! I would rub her hands with lotion from time to time, as they were crippled and swollen from arthritis. I did not do that nearly enough. She has the softest skin of anyone I have ever seen. Even newborn babies do not have as delicate, beautiful skin as she had.
I also enjoyed polishing her silver when we came to visit, as I knew that no one else would get around to doing that for her. I thought it made her happy.
She was very much a southern woman. She had lipstick in her car, in her bathroom, in the kitchen, in her purse, in the living room, and by her bed so that she was never without. Like most Louisiana women of a certain age, she loved to watch the braves play, and she drove a Cadillac. She drank coffee all day and into the night, though the coffee was weak as could be.
Also, she got her hair done every week at the beauty parlor, a custom I find TERRIBLY endearing! She enjoyed wearing some blue mascara that I had bought once. She was fluffy and pink cheeked and smelled of fresh flowers.
She was terribly brave, because she was so terribly fearful. She hated to be alone at night. If I had known that, I would have stayed over more often. I never knew and she never told me.
I miss my grandmother.
Anyway, we also had had two major setbacks for TWS professionally, and one sudden decision that left us wondering what he had done to deserve these things. He had given so much to the job and the people in his job, but he was the one who seemed to be "forgotten" for things that were the natural progression for his career. Of course, the Lord works EVERY SINGLE THING out for the good of those who love Him, I know that, but you know how hard it is to see the rainbow when you are stuck in the flood. I need to work on that aspect of my faith.
His headaches were more frequent, but we chalked that up to stress of his professional life, upcoming deployment, difficulties at work, that virus that we all had almost two years ago that lasted almost a year. I should have realized that something was wrong. He was NOT one to get headaches. He almost never got them until last year, but there was always a reasonable explanation for him to be having a headache.
However, starting in about Feb or March of this year, his headaches would suddenly become very, very severe. He would have a build-up of a few hours, and then the headache would be overwhelming—making him pale and sweaty and weak. We tried to give him antihistamines, nasal spray, etc, thinking it was a severe sinus attack. Those things, combined with rest, seemed to get him over the bouts. He would take medication then go rest. Once he would awake from his nap, the headache seemed to be better.
His headaches were happening more on the weekdays than the weekends. I was wondering if they were due to some exposure at work to something, or due to stress, or change in eating habits. I was giving him Benadryl at night, Vitamin D, and Claritin during the day. That seemed to help slightly for a little bit.
Finally, though, the headaches were getting more frequent and more severe. They were affecting his vision, and he was becoming unable to go a whole week without having one.
He finally called for another appointment.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Thought I would tell the story...
Of TWS's brain tumor and our experience, but most of all, how the Lord is merciful and kind, especially in our moments of crisis and weakness....
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Stuck Under A Ladder
My beautiful sisters in Christ!
Time to tell on myself a bit with a positively RIDICULOUS happening last week.
We have been working on getting our house trim painted, etc.
We have two ladders. One is a regular 6' ladder and one is a HUGE ladder that I think is 20 feet long, and that telescopes in on itself like a fire truck ladder. I needed this one to do a lot of the high trim on the house, as we have a 1.5 story house.
Ok, now TWS is still limited in his lifting ability, so it has mainly been me hefting this ladder. I am a fairly sturdy woman, so that had not been a problem. However, that morning we had put a new piece on the ladder. It is a large semi- circle metal brace thingie that is supposed to be wider than a window so that you can lean the ladder up at a window without the ladder top resting on the glass.
This thing is phenom. It makes the ladder much more steady. And heavy. Just heavy enough to tip the scales (pun fully intended) away from my ability to wrangle the ladder. I can lift it, but cannot really control it because of the extra weight. A couple of times the kids heard the ladder CRASH to the ground because all I could do was swing it away from the house, not guide carefully.
Ok I was painting trim in the front, and at one point I needed to move this ladder over a foot or so. In order to move it, I had to slide it under the edge of the roof, under two cross braces, and then back up under the roof edge all without smashing the ladder into our large, beautiful, and new triple pane windows (no, I did not break the windows!).
I was not strong enough to stand behind the ladder properly and pull the ladder to myself. So I got under the ladder and tried to "walk" the rungs to make the ladder stand up. However, the feet of the ladder were in soft dirt and kept sliding. I was afraid I would break the glass, so I figured I would just put the ladder on my shoulders and walk it out to the yard to adjust.
So I slid the ladder down until my head was in between two rungs and the ladder sides were resting on my shoulders. I walk out to the yard, away from the windows, with my head through the rungs and my arms just keeping the ladder steady.
Then I tried to lift the ladder off of my shoulders. Uh oh.
I soon realize my arms seriously had no strength left after toting, painting, and hefting all day. I could not budge the ladder over my head! Ok, no problem, just put the ladder back on my shoulders and rest a bit and try again....
And again....
And again.
Greeeaaaat. I'm stuck.
The ridiculousness of the situation started to hit me and I got an attack of the giggles, which makes lifting the ladder REALLY TRULY ENTIRELY impossible at this point. But I still do not get that it is entirely impossible. I keep asking myself "No, seriously....am I really stuck? As in...stuck?? Cause I do not want to call out the cavalry just in time to lift the ladder off of my own head.". Try again. Nope, I am really seriously stuck.
So I called my mom who was inside, but she did not hear me. THEN I call to TWS who was in the garage on the far side of the house, but of course he could not hear me.
So much for cavalry.
"AHA!" I thought to myself "Just slide my shoulders through the rungs and slide the ladder down off of me like a skirt!". However, I soon found out that the...ahem...sturdiness of my shoulder means they do NOT fit through the rungs.
Then I start to panic just a little (ok, not panic, but get a bit concerned!). I have my head stuck through a ladder, my arms are too weak to lift it, and no one can hear me. My frame is strong enough to hold the ladder at the moment, but for how long? Do I need to flag down a passing motorist? Would YOU stop for a woman waving wildly wearing a 20' ladder around her neck like an accessorizing gone horribly awry?
I mull my options as my shoulders start to ache. I mean....can someone DIE this way? How long can I stand there? Should I sit? What if I cannot get back up??
I figured I would have to walk to TWS to get his help. But there is no easy way to get to him. My truck is between him and me and I do not want to accidentally hit my truck with this ridiculous piece of paint splattered bling. So that means I would have to walk off the property, down the street, and back up into the other side of our circular drive way, again the view of neighbors and motorists. What would YOU think if you saw this dreadful living see-saw ambling down the side of the road? Yeah. Well at least if someone called the cops, they might be able to get this blasted thing off my head.
I actually would have paid to see that happen...to see the police show up and extricate me from this ladder. They could also call the fire department...they know about ladders, right? Maybe I could get on the local news (we have a REALLY small town) "Local woman attacked by her own ladder! Chaos at the scene! The fire department worked frantically to rescue a woman from her own ladder which apparently turned on her as she was trying to transport it. After several tense minutes of uncontrolled guffawing, the ladder was tranquilized and removed from the woman's shoulders. The woman was taken to a local Ace Hardware as a safety precaution and was later released. Officials will not release the name of the woman, but c'mon, how many cross eyed, headcovering women do we see around here? She's the one who had those blue underarms that one time...".
Ok, so in the end, the police did not have to be called. The neighbors did not have a chance to laugh, and I did not get on the 6 o'clock news. It occurred to me that I might take the ladder off like a sweater instead of a skirt, and ducked my head until it slid off of my shoulders. Sweet Success!
(btw, I have not been on that ladder since. I am tired of painting. And it is raining, so I just play Bejeweled Twist all day instead.)
:)
Time to tell on myself a bit with a positively RIDICULOUS happening last week.
We have been working on getting our house trim painted, etc.
We have two ladders. One is a regular 6' ladder and one is a HUGE ladder that I think is 20 feet long, and that telescopes in on itself like a fire truck ladder. I needed this one to do a lot of the high trim on the house, as we have a 1.5 story house.
Ok, now TWS is still limited in his lifting ability, so it has mainly been me hefting this ladder. I am a fairly sturdy woman, so that had not been a problem. However, that morning we had put a new piece on the ladder. It is a large semi- circle metal brace thingie that is supposed to be wider than a window so that you can lean the ladder up at a window without the ladder top resting on the glass.
This thing is phenom. It makes the ladder much more steady. And heavy. Just heavy enough to tip the scales (pun fully intended) away from my ability to wrangle the ladder. I can lift it, but cannot really control it because of the extra weight. A couple of times the kids heard the ladder CRASH to the ground because all I could do was swing it away from the house, not guide carefully.
Ok I was painting trim in the front, and at one point I needed to move this ladder over a foot or so. In order to move it, I had to slide it under the edge of the roof, under two cross braces, and then back up under the roof edge all without smashing the ladder into our large, beautiful, and new triple pane windows (no, I did not break the windows!).
I was not strong enough to stand behind the ladder properly and pull the ladder to myself. So I got under the ladder and tried to "walk" the rungs to make the ladder stand up. However, the feet of the ladder were in soft dirt and kept sliding. I was afraid I would break the glass, so I figured I would just put the ladder on my shoulders and walk it out to the yard to adjust.
So I slid the ladder down until my head was in between two rungs and the ladder sides were resting on my shoulders. I walk out to the yard, away from the windows, with my head through the rungs and my arms just keeping the ladder steady.
Then I tried to lift the ladder off of my shoulders. Uh oh.
I soon realize my arms seriously had no strength left after toting, painting, and hefting all day. I could not budge the ladder over my head! Ok, no problem, just put the ladder back on my shoulders and rest a bit and try again....
And again....
And again.
Greeeaaaat. I'm stuck.
The ridiculousness of the situation started to hit me and I got an attack of the giggles, which makes lifting the ladder REALLY TRULY ENTIRELY impossible at this point. But I still do not get that it is entirely impossible. I keep asking myself "No, seriously....am I really stuck? As in...stuck?? Cause I do not want to call out the cavalry just in time to lift the ladder off of my own head.". Try again. Nope, I am really seriously stuck.
So I called my mom who was inside, but she did not hear me. THEN I call to TWS who was in the garage on the far side of the house, but of course he could not hear me.
So much for cavalry.
"AHA!" I thought to myself "Just slide my shoulders through the rungs and slide the ladder down off of me like a skirt!". However, I soon found out that the...ahem...sturdiness of my shoulder means they do NOT fit through the rungs.
Then I start to panic just a little (ok, not panic, but get a bit concerned!). I have my head stuck through a ladder, my arms are too weak to lift it, and no one can hear me. My frame is strong enough to hold the ladder at the moment, but for how long? Do I need to flag down a passing motorist? Would YOU stop for a woman waving wildly wearing a 20' ladder around her neck like an accessorizing gone horribly awry?
I mull my options as my shoulders start to ache. I mean....can someone DIE this way? How long can I stand there? Should I sit? What if I cannot get back up??
I figured I would have to walk to TWS to get his help. But there is no easy way to get to him. My truck is between him and me and I do not want to accidentally hit my truck with this ridiculous piece of paint splattered bling. So that means I would have to walk off the property, down the street, and back up into the other side of our circular drive way, again the view of neighbors and motorists. What would YOU think if you saw this dreadful living see-saw ambling down the side of the road? Yeah. Well at least if someone called the cops, they might be able to get this blasted thing off my head.
I actually would have paid to see that happen...to see the police show up and extricate me from this ladder. They could also call the fire department...they know about ladders, right? Maybe I could get on the local news (we have a REALLY small town) "Local woman attacked by her own ladder! Chaos at the scene! The fire department worked frantically to rescue a woman from her own ladder which apparently turned on her as she was trying to transport it. After several tense minutes of uncontrolled guffawing, the ladder was tranquilized and removed from the woman's shoulders. The woman was taken to a local Ace Hardware as a safety precaution and was later released. Officials will not release the name of the woman, but c'mon, how many cross eyed, headcovering women do we see around here? She's the one who had those blue underarms that one time...".
Ok, so in the end, the police did not have to be called. The neighbors did not have a chance to laugh, and I did not get on the 6 o'clock news. It occurred to me that I might take the ladder off like a sweater instead of a skirt, and ducked my head until it slid off of my shoulders. Sweet Success!
(btw, I have not been on that ladder since. I am tired of painting. And it is raining, so I just play Bejeweled Twist all day instead.)
:)
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
A Thought For Today....
Hello my beautiful sisters in Christ...and that is what you are! Beautiful and in Christ!
I would like to share a thought that my wonderful adorable cousin gave to me the other day while we were talking. Her father was a pastor and told her this (I am using my words, though, to explain it as I forgot how she said it verbatim)
"Things that you worry about are always worse in your mind than they really would be. When you imagine something bad, you are imagining these things without the grace God will provide. He will provide grace for you when/if things happen. So do not worry about tomorrow."
Sisters, just THINK about that! When you are fretful and anxious, if you have OCD or panic disorder, if you are depressed or dreading something, you are living a situation in your mind that has not happened yet or is not over. The Lord HAS grace for you. He HAS mercy for you. He HAS help for you.
But He is NOT going to insert Himself into our "vain imaginings" of things that have not happened yet...He expects you to turn your anxiety over to Him and watch Him work in your life.
I never could have imagined that a brain tumor in my husband would lead us both to such heights of closeness with each other and with God. If I had thought about TWS having a brain tumor back in March, I would have imagined losing him, him in pain and suffering. I would have imagined that nothing would go right, that I would be miserable and in a state of panic.
I would NOT have imagined what really happened when we found out he did have one: that the Lord's grace would so fully overwhelm me, so incredibly spill over into my life to where I was utterly filled with mercy and grace. I would NEVER have imagined that I would look on the situation and PRAISE THE LORD. In my imaginings, I would imagine that the brain tumor was the biggest part of the picture, not the Lord and His grace and that TWS and I would both be THANKFUL for the experience. Yes, thankful! PRAISING GOD! We never could have imagined the blessings that come out of what seems to be so bad. Healed relationships, strengthened relationships, closeness with Him, peace that passes all understanding.
Now, it is possible that the outcome of things in our lives will be what we do not want to happen. However, I am slowly learning that even those times the Lord REALLY DOES work out for our good. He worked out so many years of fear and misery for my good. He worked out an incredibly painful past for my good. It took over 20 years for the bitter trees of fear, sorrow, pain, to bear sweet fruit, but they did!
Remember: our fears never imagine the Lord's grace. We NEVER think "Oh I could get in an AWFUL car wreck today! What if I wrecked?!? Oh and then what if the Lord had sent angels to guard me and we all walked out without a scratch! Or what if I did break my arm, but the Lord provided me with full grace so that it really did not hurt that badly AND He introduced me to someone who would minister to me in ways I could not imagine! What if He blessed me MIGHTILY today!?!".
So do not borrow trouble. The Lord taught me clearly that to worry about tomorrow is to intentionally put my hand on a hot stove--I might think that it helps me prepare for some other time when I might put my hand on a stove, but really it just gives me unnecessary pain. It keeps me from praising Him because my mind is too full of fear and anxiety (and we do NOT praise Him when we are saying "I praise You, of course, but I do not trust that You can take care of this for me...."). It is worthless, foolish, and a BIG HUGE SIN, just as bad as adultery or stealing because I am tainting the blessings He gives me each day with my fear and I am robbing Him of praise.
Our imaginings are without the grace of the Lord. So put bad thoughts out of your head COMPLETELY and trust Him. His grace WILL be there and will NOT fail because He is faithful. You will see, I promise! The Lord will show Himself MIGHTILY in your life when you stop your vain imagining and start trusting and resting in Him! You will be able to laugh at the days to come, just like the Proverbs 31 woman.
I would like to share a thought that my wonderful adorable cousin gave to me the other day while we were talking. Her father was a pastor and told her this (I am using my words, though, to explain it as I forgot how she said it verbatim)
"Things that you worry about are always worse in your mind than they really would be. When you imagine something bad, you are imagining these things without the grace God will provide. He will provide grace for you when/if things happen. So do not worry about tomorrow."
Sisters, just THINK about that! When you are fretful and anxious, if you have OCD or panic disorder, if you are depressed or dreading something, you are living a situation in your mind that has not happened yet or is not over. The Lord HAS grace for you. He HAS mercy for you. He HAS help for you.
But He is NOT going to insert Himself into our "vain imaginings" of things that have not happened yet...He expects you to turn your anxiety over to Him and watch Him work in your life.
I never could have imagined that a brain tumor in my husband would lead us both to such heights of closeness with each other and with God. If I had thought about TWS having a brain tumor back in March, I would have imagined losing him, him in pain and suffering. I would have imagined that nothing would go right, that I would be miserable and in a state of panic.
I would NOT have imagined what really happened when we found out he did have one: that the Lord's grace would so fully overwhelm me, so incredibly spill over into my life to where I was utterly filled with mercy and grace. I would NEVER have imagined that I would look on the situation and PRAISE THE LORD. In my imaginings, I would imagine that the brain tumor was the biggest part of the picture, not the Lord and His grace and that TWS and I would both be THANKFUL for the experience. Yes, thankful! PRAISING GOD! We never could have imagined the blessings that come out of what seems to be so bad. Healed relationships, strengthened relationships, closeness with Him, peace that passes all understanding.
Now, it is possible that the outcome of things in our lives will be what we do not want to happen. However, I am slowly learning that even those times the Lord REALLY DOES work out for our good. He worked out so many years of fear and misery for my good. He worked out an incredibly painful past for my good. It took over 20 years for the bitter trees of fear, sorrow, pain, to bear sweet fruit, but they did!
Remember: our fears never imagine the Lord's grace. We NEVER think "Oh I could get in an AWFUL car wreck today! What if I wrecked?!? Oh and then what if the Lord had sent angels to guard me and we all walked out without a scratch! Or what if I did break my arm, but the Lord provided me with full grace so that it really did not hurt that badly AND He introduced me to someone who would minister to me in ways I could not imagine! What if He blessed me MIGHTILY today!?!".
So do not borrow trouble. The Lord taught me clearly that to worry about tomorrow is to intentionally put my hand on a hot stove--I might think that it helps me prepare for some other time when I might put my hand on a stove, but really it just gives me unnecessary pain. It keeps me from praising Him because my mind is too full of fear and anxiety (and we do NOT praise Him when we are saying "I praise You, of course, but I do not trust that You can take care of this for me...."). It is worthless, foolish, and a BIG HUGE SIN, just as bad as adultery or stealing because I am tainting the blessings He gives me each day with my fear and I am robbing Him of praise.
Our imaginings are without the grace of the Lord. So put bad thoughts out of your head COMPLETELY and trust Him. His grace WILL be there and will NOT fail because He is faithful. You will see, I promise! The Lord will show Himself MIGHTILY in your life when you stop your vain imagining and start trusting and resting in Him! You will be able to laugh at the days to come, just like the Proverbs 31 woman.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Being available to your husband
My beautiful sisters in the Lord!
This is going to be about a very delicate subject. I do not want to be racy, but I think we need to be honest, since we are on the topic of beauty.
Do you make yourself always available to your husband? If not, why not?
Now, we know that there are Bible verses about how his body is ours and our body is his. I know that there are times where we are sick as dogs, tired as dogs...and then sometimes we feel like we LOOK like a dog!
That last one is the one I want to discuss, briefly and delicately as possible (xsighx...."briefly"might be wishful thinking, tbh). If we are preventing our husbands from delighting in us because we do not like how we look, we are being extremely self centered, which is sin.
Yeah, yeah, I know! We sometimes feel ugly, unloveable. We see those women in the magazines and have hope that we can look like that, and we do not want to share ourselves willingly with our husbands until we do.
How long are we going to keep our men without half of their "one flesh" because we are still struggling with portion control? How is it fair to them to keep them from us when THEY think we look fine, but we think we need work? That is not fair. Not fair at all.
They do not expect perfection. We are not going to have perfection. No, really, THINK about that. No matter if we are a size 0 or a size 30, if they want us, it is because they WANT us. They desire US. They desire communion with us. They want to delight in us.
Even if we were a size 2, we would still be insecure, because insecurity does not come built into certain dress sizes. Insecurity is in our heads, and if we arrived at the weight we like, we would find something else. TRUST me. Insecurity is from the mind, not the body.
Ladies, let me tell you...not one women you see in the magazines has not been touched up. Not one. Just recently there was a picture of a very beautiful famous woman who...amazingly enough...has cellulite. Yes. She has cellulite. And she was very right when she said that every woman with curves does. You cannot have curves without fat. You cannot have fat without cellulite (at least a little, though some of us have deeper fat).
Understand that, except in the RAREST of instances, husbands just want to delight in their wives. They just want to have fun with their wives, enjoy their wives.
Also, I want to emphasize this: They want their wives to want THEM too! When we reject our husbands because of insecurities, THEY, deep down, see that as a rejection of THEM! Yes! Men feel that we do not desire them, and that wounds them! Even if we reassure them that it is because we do not feel pretty, deep down men wonder if it is really that the woman does not want her husband. Women do NOT have the corner on insecurity.
Men are also not stupid. They know that airbrushing takes place. They DO understand that that same belly we try to hide is the one that grew their heirs, their blessings from the Lord. They know that our chest is the worst for wear because we nourished their babies. They understand that, even if we did not have babies, we DO have years. They know, and they do NOT care, just like how we do not care if our husbands are getting a little thin on top. They love us because we are loveable!!! They delight in our bodies because they are *OUR* bodies. They delight in their wives.
They come to us because they want *US*. Yes, seriously. If your husband approaches you, it is because he DESIRES you. He is NOT NOT NOT "stuck with you". He. Wants. You. He wants you! REVEL in that! Delight in that! It is GOOD for you to be tickled with that, to rest in that, to take confidence in that!
Do not deny him! Deny the enemy who is trying to steal your joy, your delight, your husband's joy, and your husband's delight. Deny the enemy who uses society to make us hate or reject the blessings the Lord has given us. Trust the Lord and your husband.....NOT your insecurities and society.
Let me say that again: Trust the Lord and your husband. DO NOT TRUST the devil who preys on your insecurities with lies that are airbrushed all over fashion magazines.
You will not drive your husband away by being eagerly receptive to him, by delighting in his delight of you. You CAN create great damage to your marriage, to yourself, and to your husband by putting your insecurities between you and your husband. We are Sarah's daughters if we do what is right and do not give way to fear (that is in the Word!). That means ANY fear--including fear of leaving the lights on or embracing your husband.
Be happy, not just dutiful. One of the most common things I have heard men say is that "confidence is sexy". The tiny girl who hides in the closet is not nearly as sexy as the ample-y built woman who is eager for her husband and her to delight in each other. No, really. That is the truth.
It is hard. We are taught, via society, that only pefect figures should enjoy marital bliss (which, in our fallen society, rarely takes place in marriage).
However, we are taught, via the Word, that He created marital bliss for one man and one woman, that it was good. He devoted quite a bit of Scripture to it, particularly Song of Solomon. He wanted ALL married people to delight in each other. He even admonished us to do so!
So, who are we going to listen to? The enemy who prowls society with lies and evil? Or the Creator of our bodies, our husband's bodies, the Word, and marital bliss?
Today. Make the change TODAY to listen to Him. Go give your husband a big smooch. Your heart might pound, you might hear a bunch of nonsense from your insecurities in your head. Dismiss them. The more you resist the enemy, the more he will flee from you.
Trust the Lord. Say a prayer, open your heart, be willing. You might have a few rough steps as you learn to obey the Lord, not society, but that is ok. Pretty soon you will feel ravishing, blessed, and say "WHY did I listen to society for so long?!". Not only CAN you do this, but you should--it is in the Bible. And when we obey the Lord, He blesses us.
This is going to be about a very delicate subject. I do not want to be racy, but I think we need to be honest, since we are on the topic of beauty.
Do you make yourself always available to your husband? If not, why not?
Now, we know that there are Bible verses about how his body is ours and our body is his. I know that there are times where we are sick as dogs, tired as dogs...and then sometimes we feel like we LOOK like a dog!
That last one is the one I want to discuss, briefly and delicately as possible (xsighx...."briefly"might be wishful thinking, tbh). If we are preventing our husbands from delighting in us because we do not like how we look, we are being extremely self centered, which is sin.
Yeah, yeah, I know! We sometimes feel ugly, unloveable. We see those women in the magazines and have hope that we can look like that, and we do not want to share ourselves willingly with our husbands until we do.
How long are we going to keep our men without half of their "one flesh" because we are still struggling with portion control? How is it fair to them to keep them from us when THEY think we look fine, but we think we need work? That is not fair. Not fair at all.
They do not expect perfection. We are not going to have perfection. No, really, THINK about that. No matter if we are a size 0 or a size 30, if they want us, it is because they WANT us. They desire US. They desire communion with us. They want to delight in us.
Even if we were a size 2, we would still be insecure, because insecurity does not come built into certain dress sizes. Insecurity is in our heads, and if we arrived at the weight we like, we would find something else. TRUST me. Insecurity is from the mind, not the body.
Ladies, let me tell you...not one women you see in the magazines has not been touched up. Not one. Just recently there was a picture of a very beautiful famous woman who...amazingly enough...has cellulite. Yes. She has cellulite. And she was very right when she said that every woman with curves does. You cannot have curves without fat. You cannot have fat without cellulite (at least a little, though some of us have deeper fat).
Understand that, except in the RAREST of instances, husbands just want to delight in their wives. They just want to have fun with their wives, enjoy their wives.
Also, I want to emphasize this: They want their wives to want THEM too! When we reject our husbands because of insecurities, THEY, deep down, see that as a rejection of THEM! Yes! Men feel that we do not desire them, and that wounds them! Even if we reassure them that it is because we do not feel pretty, deep down men wonder if it is really that the woman does not want her husband. Women do NOT have the corner on insecurity.
Men are also not stupid. They know that airbrushing takes place. They DO understand that that same belly we try to hide is the one that grew their heirs, their blessings from the Lord. They know that our chest is the worst for wear because we nourished their babies. They understand that, even if we did not have babies, we DO have years. They know, and they do NOT care, just like how we do not care if our husbands are getting a little thin on top. They love us because we are loveable!!! They delight in our bodies because they are *OUR* bodies. They delight in their wives.
They come to us because they want *US*. Yes, seriously. If your husband approaches you, it is because he DESIRES you. He is NOT NOT NOT "stuck with you". He. Wants. You. He wants you! REVEL in that! Delight in that! It is GOOD for you to be tickled with that, to rest in that, to take confidence in that!
Do not deny him! Deny the enemy who is trying to steal your joy, your delight, your husband's joy, and your husband's delight. Deny the enemy who uses society to make us hate or reject the blessings the Lord has given us. Trust the Lord and your husband.....NOT your insecurities and society.
Let me say that again: Trust the Lord and your husband. DO NOT TRUST the devil who preys on your insecurities with lies that are airbrushed all over fashion magazines.
You will not drive your husband away by being eagerly receptive to him, by delighting in his delight of you. You CAN create great damage to your marriage, to yourself, and to your husband by putting your insecurities between you and your husband. We are Sarah's daughters if we do what is right and do not give way to fear (that is in the Word!). That means ANY fear--including fear of leaving the lights on or embracing your husband.
Be happy, not just dutiful. One of the most common things I have heard men say is that "confidence is sexy". The tiny girl who hides in the closet is not nearly as sexy as the ample-y built woman who is eager for her husband and her to delight in each other. No, really. That is the truth.
It is hard. We are taught, via society, that only pefect figures should enjoy marital bliss (which, in our fallen society, rarely takes place in marriage).
However, we are taught, via the Word, that He created marital bliss for one man and one woman, that it was good. He devoted quite a bit of Scripture to it, particularly Song of Solomon. He wanted ALL married people to delight in each other. He even admonished us to do so!
So, who are we going to listen to? The enemy who prowls society with lies and evil? Or the Creator of our bodies, our husband's bodies, the Word, and marital bliss?
Today. Make the change TODAY to listen to Him. Go give your husband a big smooch. Your heart might pound, you might hear a bunch of nonsense from your insecurities in your head. Dismiss them. The more you resist the enemy, the more he will flee from you.
Trust the Lord. Say a prayer, open your heart, be willing. You might have a few rough steps as you learn to obey the Lord, not society, but that is ok. Pretty soon you will feel ravishing, blessed, and say "WHY did I listen to society for so long?!". Not only CAN you do this, but you should--it is in the Bible. And when we obey the Lord, He blesses us.
Delighting in each other.
My blessed sisters in Christ!
(this started out being about one subject, and the more I wrote, the more blog posts came out. So expect another blog post! If you have any discussion or questions or comments, please feel free to post them!)
I have been thinking a lot about femininity, beauty, Godly beauty, etc for many years. I think we all do. We think about being a beautiful princess when we are babies. We think about making ourselves attractive to find a mate in our teens and 20's (though many, like myself, went the way of "worldly beauty" not "godly beauty". UGH! The trash I wore!!!!). Many of us struggle with our sense of physical beauty after a baby or three tends to realign our "girlish figures" into something a little less girlish :D.
But as I age (I'm 38! WOWOW--I feel like I just BARELY got my driver's license!), I am realizing that godly beauty really *IS* eternal and worldly beauty really is fleeting. Unless some serious medical intervention is arranged, I will never have the figure I did in my 20's. Is it necessary that I do? I need to be healthy, of course, and I need to have discipline in my eating habits, but I am realizing that I do NOT need to make sure I am "marketable" (which is what we see in those women in magazines--they ARE marketable! They are marketing products!). I just need to make sure that my husband is happy, and that I am delightful to him. If I am, then I am good.
I have been looking at my husband and myself. We are both older. We love each other very much. I will never look like a model, neither will he. But we both delight in each other physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
And shouldn't that be enough? :)
(this started out being about one subject, and the more I wrote, the more blog posts came out. So expect another blog post! If you have any discussion or questions or comments, please feel free to post them!)
I have been thinking a lot about femininity, beauty, Godly beauty, etc for many years. I think we all do. We think about being a beautiful princess when we are babies. We think about making ourselves attractive to find a mate in our teens and 20's (though many, like myself, went the way of "worldly beauty" not "godly beauty". UGH! The trash I wore!!!!). Many of us struggle with our sense of physical beauty after a baby or three tends to realign our "girlish figures" into something a little less girlish :D.
But as I age (I'm 38! WOWOW--I feel like I just BARELY got my driver's license!), I am realizing that godly beauty really *IS* eternal and worldly beauty really is fleeting. Unless some serious medical intervention is arranged, I will never have the figure I did in my 20's. Is it necessary that I do? I need to be healthy, of course, and I need to have discipline in my eating habits, but I am realizing that I do NOT need to make sure I am "marketable" (which is what we see in those women in magazines--they ARE marketable! They are marketing products!). I just need to make sure that my husband is happy, and that I am delightful to him. If I am, then I am good.
I have been looking at my husband and myself. We are both older. We love each other very much. I will never look like a model, neither will he. But we both delight in each other physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
And shouldn't that be enough? :)
Friday, July 10, 2009
My absence
Hello dear ones in Christ!
I have been off my blog for a while now. Some of it was because I was finishing up the pandemic flu booklet (available for free, of course, if you want it, just send your email addy. it requires adobe reader to view). I also had another project crop up.
However, my most recent absence was due to a VERY VERY VERY sudden med evac of my husband to Seattle for....a brain tumor. He was diagnosed with it the Monday before last after getting a cat scan for a sinus infection. He was med evac'd that day and underwent surgery on Wednesday. He is doing FINE now, thank the most blessed and wonderful Lord! He is right behind me packing up antique shop treasures we found here in Seattle after he was released from the hospital Monday. He looks fierce with a massive slice across his head, 43 staples and a black eye that looks like my slate counter top. The Lord was merciful above mercy, and my sweetie is intact and seems to be well on his way to a full recovery WITHOUT massive headaches.
I cannot tell you, dear ones, how much the Lord saw me through this. This story really is about Him, not about my husband. You never know how truly kind and wonderful and sustaining He is until you cannot depend on yourself anymore, until things are just so bad that you have no choice BUT to trust him.
I am trying to write down all of my thoughts and experiences...I already have about eight to ten pages and I am not even CLOSE to scratching the surface of all that happened. I am not sure if you are interested or not. I know that I deeply desire to remember everything and most importantly give glory to the Lord God Almighty, our most wonderful and merciful Father. He made me able to take more than I could take. He cleared every path. He turned the hearts of everyone towards me and our plight. It was amazing. Miraculous. Humbling. Heart wrenching.
Please offer your prayers, dear brothers and sisters in Christ. He still has a way to go in terms of the reduction of swelling in his brain (his left hemisphere of his brain was pushed into the right hemisphere by 1 cm). He is having trouble with high blood pressure. He is still recovering, though they released him from the hospital. He has to come back here in a month or so for another MRI, and we are still awaiting the pathology report to see if this was cancer or not. It PROBABLY is not, but we have to wait to be sure.
Thank you for your prayers. And if you have any questions at all, please feel free to write me. I know I would be eaten with curiosity (but i am kind of a medical nerd....a "hobbyist" as my wonderful sweetie told the PA lol).
Love, steph
I have been off my blog for a while now. Some of it was because I was finishing up the pandemic flu booklet (available for free, of course, if you want it, just send your email addy. it requires adobe reader to view). I also had another project crop up.
However, my most recent absence was due to a VERY VERY VERY sudden med evac of my husband to Seattle for....a brain tumor. He was diagnosed with it the Monday before last after getting a cat scan for a sinus infection. He was med evac'd that day and underwent surgery on Wednesday. He is doing FINE now, thank the most blessed and wonderful Lord! He is right behind me packing up antique shop treasures we found here in Seattle after he was released from the hospital Monday. He looks fierce with a massive slice across his head, 43 staples and a black eye that looks like my slate counter top. The Lord was merciful above mercy, and my sweetie is intact and seems to be well on his way to a full recovery WITHOUT massive headaches.
I cannot tell you, dear ones, how much the Lord saw me through this. This story really is about Him, not about my husband. You never know how truly kind and wonderful and sustaining He is until you cannot depend on yourself anymore, until things are just so bad that you have no choice BUT to trust him.
I am trying to write down all of my thoughts and experiences...I already have about eight to ten pages and I am not even CLOSE to scratching the surface of all that happened. I am not sure if you are interested or not. I know that I deeply desire to remember everything and most importantly give glory to the Lord God Almighty, our most wonderful and merciful Father. He made me able to take more than I could take. He cleared every path. He turned the hearts of everyone towards me and our plight. It was amazing. Miraculous. Humbling. Heart wrenching.
Please offer your prayers, dear brothers and sisters in Christ. He still has a way to go in terms of the reduction of swelling in his brain (his left hemisphere of his brain was pushed into the right hemisphere by 1 cm). He is having trouble with high blood pressure. He is still recovering, though they released him from the hospital. He has to come back here in a month or so for another MRI, and we are still awaiting the pathology report to see if this was cancer or not. It PROBABLY is not, but we have to wait to be sure.
Thank you for your prayers. And if you have any questions at all, please feel free to write me. I know I would be eaten with curiosity (but i am kind of a medical nerd....a "hobbyist" as my wonderful sweetie told the PA lol).
Love, steph
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