Thursday, September 4, 2008

My absence

Hello all of my beautiful sisters....

I just wanted to post a quick note about why messages are taking a while for me to post and why i have not posted anything in a bit.

My grandmother passed away last week. She had been terribly ill for a long time. She went very very peacefully...just sort of drifted away. She was saved, so she is with my grandfather in heaven.

But it put me in a bit of a tailspin. She was very upset when I moved to Alaska. I kept promising her that it would only be a short tour, 2-3 years. Then we ended up staying for going on our 9th year now. I know that the Lord knows that I want to go back to the south, and that He shut the doors. He is all merciful and all powerful, and thankfully He listens to His own will, not mine (smile) but it was still painful to know that she died and I never kept my promise to come home (we have visited, but not moved closer).

The first couple of days, I was a mess. I was mourning my grandmother, but even more, I was mourning my "home". I had never lived anywhere longer than three years and a week until we moved here, so where my grandmother lived was my home. My extended family always treated me like a returning lost child when I would go home...lots of love and "darling!" and "How beautiful you are!" and "Oh we miss you so much!". I had been bullied and teased for most of my childhood, so going there for a week was a balm for a year's worth of wounds.

During that time last week, my husband was planning his trip with my son to go hunting. They do this every year, and I love that my son has the chance to be with the men. TWS postponed a day, and said that he REALLY would not mind if I said that I needed them to stay home instead, but I could not do that. So they went.

Now, it might seem that he should have stayed here, but actually the opposite was true. The Lord used my many hours of quiet time, of still time, of down time to teach me, to lead me through this. My whole "main tier" of support was out of pocket at this time: my husband, my best friend (who was traveling across country), my mother (who was mourning the loss of her mother, I could not ask her to counsel me when she was suffering even more than I was!). He brought into my path a wonderful talk with my father AND talking with a cousin whom I had not spoken to in many months, and they both gave me messages from Him. This taught me that the Lord is REALLY my comforter and supporter. He will provide kindness and love and soothing through many people. *HE* is the comforter, not the husband, not the friend, not the child nor the parent. I mean, they DO comfort us! But it is because of the Lord. They shine the light of the Lord to us, those people who mean so much to us! But even if they are not here, He does not allow the light of His love to dim in our lives....He turns on different lamps!

I was never left alone in my spirit and sadness. Sometimes I was DYING for someone to call, to be on the phone, but when literally NO ONE was around (late at night, when people were sleeping, etc) He was there in Person, comforting and counseling me. He is altogether wonderful.

I am fine now. The Lord has taken this time of me being in quiet, of being weak and in mourning, of me being too tired to be strong on my own to teach me so many wonderful things. He will provide that for YOU too, but I found that I have to get rid of what *I* think I need and just lay my heart before the Lord. I mean literally go to Him and say "I have NO idea what to do, what to think. I am waiting for You to help me.". There were times where I begged Him to let someone call or be on instant messenger, but those where the times that no one was...I mean NO ONE! It was weird, because usually there is someone online. Again, He was showing me that HE is the provider of comfort, HE knows what I need and when I need it.

Oh, that reminds me. You might know that we homeschool, well the alpha omega company has a wonderful daily devotional. Even though the devotional message is slanted towards homeschooling, the root messages are Biblical and can apply to every day lives outside of homeschooling. Today the message talked about how the Lord leads us through our lives step by step, each day revealing more of His plan for our lives. He does not usually show us our whole path, but instead says "Take one step. Stay right there. Wait. Take one more step. Turn to the right. Wait.". His timing is perfect, as we humans could not handle all of His truth and teaching in one moment.

I want to encourage you to start today to peel off the layers and the defenses and make time for the Lord. Be patient, as some days are "wait" days and some days are "walk farther, farther, farther" days. You might think He is not talking, but just like in music, pauses are necessary for the whole symphony that is your life to make sense. He IS talking but sometimes He talks with quietness. Sometimes He talks with things you do not even consider, such as an offhand comment from a child or a burned supper.

So start your walk with Him today. Take this moment to STOP STRIVING and let Him lead you. He is faithful and He will do it.


That Good Part said...

I'm a Kentucky gal by birth but at one time we moved to Texas for 5 years. Before we moved my Papaw said "you'll be back in 6 months", mostly because when he moved away back during the depresion that is what he did.
We stayed longer than that to his dismay. He died 4 years into our stint in Texas, I was so very sad, because all of the family had come to Texas for Christmas and his last Christmas with us was lonely for him. I don't think I'll ever get over it!

My heart and prayers are with you, during this time!♥
Your thoughts on this is an inspiration!

(ps...we did move back to Ky for about 10 years then Hubby had to take a job transfer to Ohio so here I am.
My family now can keep up with me through my blog)

arrowsparrow said...

Thank you so much!

If my words have given any inspiration, I promise that the glory belongs ENTIRELY to the Lord! :-) He is so kind to talk to us and allow others to be the conduit for His grace!

Cathy said...

I am so sorry about your grandmother! I got home Friday night and just now got caught up on your blog. I am, however glad you found comfort.
Love ya!